Wednesday, December 17, 2008
My wish in sharing this is not to give you sadness.
It's not to give you images of horror.
My wish for you is hope.
My wish for you is vision. Clear vision and understanding.
My wish for you is hope. Hope for us.
Hope that we can do better.
Hope that we can be better.
Hope that we can remember. Not just at the holidays. Not just when we see media images.
Hope that we can remember always that we are the priviliged. We are ones.
We can do better. We can change.
We can stand up and we can speak the truth.
We can look in the mirror and we can understand our role. That we can understand the need for a new way.
That it isn't something that happens "There"
That no war is rightous.
That Just because it doesn't say "Made in a factory by a 9 year old boy" DOES NOT mean that is made by a happy grandmother is Switzerland. That no plastic walmart toy is.
It's hope. Yes Hope.
Hope for you. Hope for me.
Hope that we remember that nothing is free. Nothing is cheap. Except Freedom.
Yes, that's right. Freedom does not come of money. It does not come of war. It does not come of pain.
Freedom comes of changed minds.
It comes of freed minds. Freed souls. You cannot free anyones but your own, but you may inspire.
The flight of your soul may inspire and lift thousands and by the thousands shall lift millions.
You need not rescue or heal a child. You need only give them the hope that they may... because you do.
This is my hope for you. For me.
For us all.
Free your soul. Walk through the pain, look it in the face, hear it's words. Fear is the only evil and you do not need it.
Knowing will never hurt you it can only free you of the fear of what lurks in the shadows. My wish is that you will look bravely inward and find that unaskable, unthinkable, unfathomable and ask, see understand. Don't look away, but let it seep out into the light... through your tears...through your questions...through your sobs or your screams...but let it disolve in the light and the power of you. Be thankful if you will, but don't believe that because it is "there" it could never be here.
My wish for you is hope.
I love you.
In this Christmas let us remember not what was but what could be.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Oh, Storm Clouds!
Have I ever told you how much I love a good storm?
I love a good storm. Crave them actually.
The excitement I feel when I see an ominous black storm cloud looming on the horizon!
I can feel the energy, hours before it reaches us, and my whole being becomes electrified with it.
The Power! And yet, I feel most at peace during the height of a crashing, whipping, booming thunderstorm.
I love to stand in the doorway, or even better, on a patio, letting the wind whip my hair as it howls through the trees and overhead. I get goosebumps at the pounding, drenching, earth cleansing downpour!
The smell of a thunderstorm can hardly be described, but I will try.
It begins in the distance...that a storm is coming sweet, wet, green smell in the air...then becomes something altogether more obvious...a heavy, woody, refreshing scent that I seem to smell with my heart as much as my nose.
A storm is a pleasure for all the senses. Striking contrast of black sky and electric light... scent that cleans and refreshes the soul... thunder; soft, distant, promising at first, then earth shaking, body quaking claps and cracks...and Oh! the feeling of it all! Heavy, thick, warm air leaving a layer of damp stickiness to your whole body... push your hair back from where it's stuck to your forehead...wait for the cool clean rain that is promising to come... Then it does. Complete with wind that takes your warm damp skin and turns it to goosebumps and if you dare, a shower like none other!
Summer storms are on the horizon here in TX already.
Mmmm, my heart thumps in my chest at the thought of it.
Monday, March 31, 2008
My Heart's Desire
I long for a soul sister.
I long to have that feeling of complete love and understanding from another woman.
A soul sister to laugh with, to cry with, to dance and paint and talk with.
To love and crave and play with.
To share my secrets and hide away hers.
I long for a woman to admire and be admired by.
A friend who knows the right thing to say and is there to say it.
A friend who can call me at any time of the day or night and know that I will be happy to hear from her and who wishes the same of me.
A friend who wants and tries to know what is at the heart of me.
My soul is crying out for you.
Where are you my beautiful friend?
I long to have that feeling of complete love and understanding from another woman.
A soul sister to laugh with, to cry with, to dance and paint and talk with.
To love and crave and play with.
To share my secrets and hide away hers.
I long for a woman to admire and be admired by.
A friend who knows the right thing to say and is there to say it.
A friend who can call me at any time of the day or night and know that I will be happy to hear from her and who wishes the same of me.
A friend who wants and tries to know what is at the heart of me.
My soul is crying out for you.
Where are you my beautiful friend?
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
For All the Water and Air In the World
All the water and air on earth gathered into spheres and compared to the
On the Left: All the water in the world (1.4087 billion cubic kilometers of it)
including sea water, ice, lakes, rivers, ground water, clouds, etc.
On the Right: All the air in the atmosphere (5140 trillion tonnes of it)
gathered into a ball at sea-level density. Shown on the same scale as
the Earth.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Holy Poo, Batman!
It's so cold here today! I know my sister, in Wisconsin, would laugh at me as their high for today is 1 degree with a wind chill of -35, but it's so cold here today. There are times that I would have sworn that I was colder here in Texas than I ever was in Wisconsin. Maybe that's due to the fact that our houses are often not designed or insulated for the below 50 temps, and so few of us southerners seem to know how to dress for the cold weather.
And, admittedly, the FM makes 65 seem really brisk these days, but, whatever, I'm sticking with it's so cold here today!
Squeak is nearing her first birthday and think I'm in a bit of denial. She however is not. She is working hard on all things big; walking... standing... getting nekkid and emptying the spice cabinet...pictures later ;-)
One of the other things she's working on is food. She's been food crazy since she was about 3 months old, but I managed to hold her off until she was 5 or 6 months old, and let me tell you, that was not easy. The things that can go on in a mother's mind when big decisions like starting solids come into question!
Now, Monkey had no issues. I wanted to keep him exclusively breastfed until he was a year and he wanted to hold off until he was 3. Okay, not really, but the boy did not care for solid food and it was a non issue. He ate what we gave him when he was hungry and that was that. No troubles. It should also be noted that our food choices, unfortunately, were often not always the healthiest.
Squeak on the other hand.....
Wants all food that we have. Begs for it. Feels hurt when we don't share. :*(
Everything we eat is so healthy that well, it's almost embarrassing in this culture.
I waited until she was 5 or 6 months before I finally felt so horrible for denying my toothless little pleader that I began giving her things that she was happy to chew on, like raw carrots, but couldn't really get to her stomach. So, all were happy again, but....
As time went on she became very good at gnawing on raw fruits and veggies until they began to mush and become baby eats. This seemed like a really natural progression and I felt good about it.
Then, enter the poop saga. Or, the no poop saga as it were.
Fast forward to now, at 11 months, and we have some definite constipation. So, of course, my mommy brain is screaming "She's 11 months old! She's 95% breastfed! My diet is awesome! She only gets a little raw, organic food! She can't poop! OH MY GOD SHE MUST HAVE A BOWEL OBSTRUCTION!"
Now, I'm a reasonably rational, intelligent person. I know, you can tell, right?
Okay, reasonable enough to know that this, um, might not be true.
So, my question is this, Doc:
1. She's 11 months old and 95% breastfed.
2. Our diet looks like this:
-Our dairy (all of it) comes from a local farm, and is raw. But wait! There's more! It's also
from cows which meet these criteria
-Our eggs come from local, organically raised, pastured hens.
-Our vegetables and meat are always organic.
-If it comes in a package, we probably don't eat it.
-We don't eat sweeteners other than honey, and occasionally, brown rice syrup or maple syrup.
-We buy all of our grains whole and either sprout them or ferment them before eating them
weather we are eating them whole or we ground them ourselves. With one exception; we
eat a pre-made, sprouted grain bread and occasionally pasta or tortillas from the
same company.
-We eat vegetarian meals 4 times per week, a red meat dish 1x, poultry 1x and Wild Alaskan
salmon 1x. We also include one serving of organ meat each week, as well as a bone broth
at least once per week.
-Miso soup for lunch every day.
-Sunny side up egg with side of fermented whole oats for breakfast every day.
-Uh, yeah, that's it. Exciting huh?
3. Of these foods Squeak gets a some raw, organic fruits, vegetables and, as of a couple days ago, the occasional egg yolk.
4. In addition to the distilled water, we also sip herbal teas and infusion daily. These include one or some of the following:
-Nettles
-Oatstraw
-Peppermint
-Lemon Balm
-Chamomile
-Red Rooibos
-Horsetail
-Ginkgo
-Red Raspberry leaf
So, now that the only one left reading is my faithful mother (oh, wait she doesn't have a computer!) Damn, okay, Dear Reader,
Please, please, tell me why my baby is constipated!
Why does she push for days before finally producing some little petrified rock???
Please, for the love of all things, don't tell me to get rid of the dairy. I'll cry. I promise, but if you must, at least tell me a good reason why so that I can repeat it to myself when I'm chewing my lettuce for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Oh, I should also cop to the fact that I have been known to succumb to the tempting call of the Whole Foods pizza counter or have friends over and make something that doesn't meet all our criteria. Some of these dietary changes have been in place for years, some only consistently so, for a few weeks.
Oh, and if you could tell me what to tell Squeak when she pleads for a bowl of oats or some smoked chicken....that would be great, Dear Reader.
You're the best!
And, admittedly, the FM makes 65 seem really brisk these days, but, whatever, I'm sticking with it's so cold here today!
Squeak is nearing her first birthday and think I'm in a bit of denial. She however is not. She is working hard on all things big; walking... standing... getting nekkid and emptying the spice cabinet...pictures later ;-)
One of the other things she's working on is food. She's been food crazy since she was about 3 months old, but I managed to hold her off until she was 5 or 6 months old, and let me tell you, that was not easy. The things that can go on in a mother's mind when big decisions like starting solids come into question!
Now, Monkey had no issues. I wanted to keep him exclusively breastfed until he was a year and he wanted to hold off until he was 3. Okay, not really, but the boy did not care for solid food and it was a non issue. He ate what we gave him when he was hungry and that was that. No troubles. It should also be noted that our food choices, unfortunately, were often not always the healthiest.
Squeak on the other hand.....
Wants all food that we have. Begs for it. Feels hurt when we don't share. :*(
Everything we eat is so healthy that well, it's almost embarrassing in this culture.
I waited until she was 5 or 6 months before I finally felt so horrible for denying my toothless little pleader that I began giving her things that she was happy to chew on, like raw carrots, but couldn't really get to her stomach. So, all were happy again, but....
As time went on she became very good at gnawing on raw fruits and veggies until they began to mush and become baby eats. This seemed like a really natural progression and I felt good about it.
Then, enter the poop saga. Or, the no poop saga as it were.
Fast forward to now, at 11 months, and we have some definite constipation. So, of course, my mommy brain is screaming "She's 11 months old! She's 95% breastfed! My diet is awesome! She only gets a little raw, organic food! She can't poop! OH MY GOD SHE MUST HAVE A BOWEL OBSTRUCTION!"
Now, I'm a reasonably rational, intelligent person. I know, you can tell, right?
Okay, reasonable enough to know that this, um, might not be true.
So, my question is this, Doc:
1. She's 11 months old and 95% breastfed.
2. Our diet looks like this:
-Our dairy (all of it) comes from a local farm, and is raw. But wait! There's more! It's also
from cows which meet these criteria
-Our eggs come from local, organically raised, pastured hens.
-Our vegetables and meat are always organic.
-If it comes in a package, we probably don't eat it.
-We don't eat sweeteners other than honey, and occasionally, brown rice syrup or maple syrup.
-We buy all of our grains whole and either sprout them or ferment them before eating them
weather we are eating them whole or we ground them ourselves. With one exception; we
eat a pre-made, sprouted grain bread and occasionally pasta or tortillas from the
same company.
-We eat vegetarian meals 4 times per week, a red meat dish 1x, poultry 1x and Wild Alaskan
salmon 1x. We also include one serving of organ meat each week, as well as a bone broth
at least once per week.
-Miso soup for lunch every day.
-Sunny side up egg with side of fermented whole oats for breakfast every day.
-Uh, yeah, that's it. Exciting huh?
3. Of these foods Squeak gets a some raw, organic fruits, vegetables and, as of a couple days ago, the occasional egg yolk.
4. In addition to the distilled water, we also sip herbal teas and infusion daily. These include one or some of the following:
-Nettles
-Oatstraw
-Peppermint
-Lemon Balm
-Chamomile
-Red Rooibos
-Horsetail
-Ginkgo
-Red Raspberry leaf
So, now that the only one left reading is my faithful mother (oh, wait she doesn't have a computer!) Damn, okay, Dear Reader,
Please, please, tell me why my baby is constipated!
Why does she push for days before finally producing some little petrified rock???
Please, for the love of all things, don't tell me to get rid of the dairy. I'll cry. I promise, but if you must, at least tell me a good reason why so that I can repeat it to myself when I'm chewing my lettuce for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Oh, I should also cop to the fact that I have been known to succumb to the tempting call of the Whole Foods pizza counter or have friends over and make something that doesn't meet all our criteria. Some of these dietary changes have been in place for years, some only consistently so, for a few weeks.
Oh, and if you could tell me what to tell Squeak when she pleads for a bowl of oats or some smoked chicken....that would be great, Dear Reader.
You're the best!
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Mondo Beyondo!
My Mondo Beyondo answers:
And 2008 is going to be my Year of Power, Peace and Change!
Woot!
In 2007 I discovered the power and strength of my being, both body and spirit. I delivered a healthy baby girl at home, against all odds!
I learned and grew and changed and healed my body from being unable to walk unassisted to running and playing with my son and carrying my baby girl. If I relapsed I refused to give up and I worked harder. I have profoundly changed my diet and the diet of my family for the greater good . We no longer eat pasteurized dairy, we eat only organic, everyday we work towards getting our food from local sustainable farms, and we are now headed to a life with whole, living foods, fermented grains and true knowledge and faithful abidance of real nutrition.
My Superhero and I work on our love and life everyday, even in the face of and often during our failures.
I have learned from and admired many strong, powerful, high reaching women as well as the inherent knowledge in my children!
I have cared about and done something real for the future of our planet and species, and I will never consider myself done.
In 2007 I began to get an inkling of what simple and abundant living could be, and I will keep it always in my sights, to the very best of my ability.
2007 was a year of bravery, blind courage, strength, love, growth, healing and real optimism and appreciation. 2007 was a very good year and 2008 will be even better. I can feel it.
I think Yoda said it best when he said, "Do or do not...there is no try." ;-)
More later.
Woot!
In 2007 I discovered the power and strength of my being, both body and spirit. I delivered a healthy baby girl at home, against all odds!
I learned and grew and changed and healed my body from being unable to walk unassisted to running and playing with my son and carrying my baby girl. If I relapsed I refused to give up and I worked harder. I have profoundly changed my diet and the diet of my family for the greater good . We no longer eat pasteurized dairy, we eat only organic, everyday we work towards getting our food from local sustainable farms, and we are now headed to a life with whole, living foods, fermented grains and true knowledge and faithful abidance of real nutrition.
My Superhero and I work on our love and life everyday, even in the face of and often during our failures.
I have learned from and admired many strong, powerful, high reaching women as well as the inherent knowledge in my children!
I have cared about and done something real for the future of our planet and species, and I will never consider myself done.
In 2007 I began to get an inkling of what simple and abundant living could be, and I will keep it always in my sights, to the very best of my ability.
2007 was a year of bravery, blind courage, strength, love, growth, healing and real optimism and appreciation. 2007 was a very good year and 2008 will be even better. I can feel it.
I think Yoda said it best when he said, "Do or do not...there is no try." ;-)
More later.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Healer In the Making
I've recently enrolled in the Master Herbalist Program at The School of Natural Healing, and I've spent the last few nights devouring the first of my coursework, which has just arrived. I'm so happy to be excited about something that feels so real. I find myself having to remind myself to slow down the way that I must with a really good page-turner, fiction book.
I look forward to the days when I will be able to offer true healing to anyone who will come for it, and I can't wait to tell them that I will not be charging them a thing. I'm one of those weird people who believe that the right to health shouldn't cost a thing.
I can't wait to have a garden and greenhouse full of fresh herbs and shelves lined with dried ones.
I feel a real fire in my bones and it doesn't feel like it can ever be snuffed out.
Yay!
I look forward to the days when I will be able to offer true healing to anyone who will come for it, and I can't wait to tell them that I will not be charging them a thing. I'm one of those weird people who believe that the right to health shouldn't cost a thing.
I can't wait to have a garden and greenhouse full of fresh herbs and shelves lined with dried ones.
I feel a real fire in my bones and it doesn't feel like it can ever be snuffed out.
Yay!
Friday, November 9, 2007
Radical Acts of Humanness
We've just heard that friends of ours are navigating a loss that most of us will never understand.
They set out a year ago to adopt a baby (their second adoption) and have been through trials, uncertainty and work which most biological parents do not experience. They set out, they gave their hearts and their hope, they loved and named and awaited, and on the day they expected to bring home their baby they were told that it wouldn't be so. The biological mother changed her mind. Anyone can see the beauty which that holds for this tiny baby, but the awesomeness lies in the radical act of voluntary vulnerability of these two incredible people.
They knew that this heart wrenching outcome was a possibility and ,in fact, we spoke about it only days before, and yet, they opened their hearts and minds and wallets and home as if it was not, and what an honorable. worthy. fine. example that sets for the rest of us.
I cannot begin to know what they are experiencing now, but I know that this idea of choosing, mindfully, to leave exposed our hearts and minds; to offer ourselves up for the love of hope and the hope of love is truly awe-inspiring to me and has taken root somewhere deep in me.
Our friend told us that when their last baby was born he held that tiny newborn for six hours, just bonding, connecting, loving.... throwing to the wind the knowledge that it may be the only time. Could you do that? Could you love and give yourself wholly and completely and intimately for the love of a soul that can offer no promises? Could you imagine a world where we all lived in voluntary vulnerability? Could you even go to the grocery store in a state of voluntary vulnerability? Being and living true to self ... no matter what?
Today I save a quiet place in my heart for reverence of our friends and I wish them peace and deep love to ease their pain.
They set out a year ago to adopt a baby (their second adoption) and have been through trials, uncertainty and work which most biological parents do not experience. They set out, they gave their hearts and their hope, they loved and named and awaited, and on the day they expected to bring home their baby they were told that it wouldn't be so. The biological mother changed her mind. Anyone can see the beauty which that holds for this tiny baby, but the awesomeness lies in the radical act of voluntary vulnerability of these two incredible people.
They knew that this heart wrenching outcome was a possibility and ,in fact, we spoke about it only days before, and yet, they opened their hearts and minds and wallets and home as if it was not, and what an honorable. worthy. fine. example that sets for the rest of us.
I cannot begin to know what they are experiencing now, but I know that this idea of choosing, mindfully, to leave exposed our hearts and minds; to offer ourselves up for the love of hope and the hope of love is truly awe-inspiring to me and has taken root somewhere deep in me.
Our friend told us that when their last baby was born he held that tiny newborn for six hours, just bonding, connecting, loving.... throwing to the wind the knowledge that it may be the only time. Could you do that? Could you love and give yourself wholly and completely and intimately for the love of a soul that can offer no promises? Could you imagine a world where we all lived in voluntary vulnerability? Could you even go to the grocery store in a state of voluntary vulnerability? Being and living true to self ... no matter what?
Today I save a quiet place in my heart for reverence of our friends and I wish them peace and deep love to ease their pain.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Farm To Market
Wednesday is Farmer's Market Day for us and I always look forward to it. We never seem to be able to get to the morning farmer's markets, but this one is in the evening and just perfect for us.
It's just big enough to get all kinds of fresh and prepared goodies but small enough to be intimate and a great place to hang out. It's held in an area that allows for a band and picnicing, which we do every week.
Tonight was excellent. All the vendors have their tents strung with lights of all kinds, the music was a lone sax and the air was just brisk enough to allow us to pull up our hoods and get our noses a little pink. We munched on some of the most delish Thai food that Austin has to offer, made by our friend Jam , sipped some fresh, local, hibiscus mint tea, said hello to friends and played a little tag with Monkey. Squeak tested out her new mobility and visited some of the other picnic blankets asking for food. She's such a cute little ham butt!
The day started out rough with a lot of pain and fatigue, but it ended with me being able to run in circles playing tag with Monkey and chasing Squeak on her social adventures. Yumminess!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Take A Picture, It'll Last Longer
My grandmother sent me a mug that says, "Life is good..." on one side and "Do what you like, like what you do" on the other. It's on of those big heavy, curvy, old-fashioned diner type mugs and I love it. This morning I put my daily cup of mate late tea with chocolate sweetened almond milk in it and as usual reminded myself that no matter what happens today, it is a good day. I remind myself that every day is a good day and it all matters.
I tell myself that hours and days and minutes are false and my awareness of life is true. I tell myself that the good moments, however brief they may be sometimes, are the big moments, the moments that will occupy more time and more space in my mind that any number of hours of pain or trials. I try to think of it like a photo album filled with image after image of smiles, babies, reunions, friends, special moments, surprises, favorite places; the things you take pictures of, the things you want to remember and share. Or maybe a file cabinet, where pain and trouble go in one big fat file, but the whole rest of the cabinet is jammed with good moments that each get their own special file and place in the cabinet. If I make a file for enough good little life nuggets they will over take the cabinet and that single fat file.
Today is a day with some pretty intense nerve pain throughout my left side so My Hero is home to care for us. So today I will be happy for the company of my husband, for the beautiful beautiful Autumn weather, for the green lawn dappled with sunlight through the leaves not yet on the ground and knowing that today has endless opportunities for meaningful moments.
Tonight we will all draw our creations on our pumpkins and SuperHero Daddy will carve them all out for us, in anticipation of Halloween. Yay!
I tell myself that hours and days and minutes are false and my awareness of life is true. I tell myself that the good moments, however brief they may be sometimes, are the big moments, the moments that will occupy more time and more space in my mind that any number of hours of pain or trials. I try to think of it like a photo album filled with image after image of smiles, babies, reunions, friends, special moments, surprises, favorite places; the things you take pictures of, the things you want to remember and share. Or maybe a file cabinet, where pain and trouble go in one big fat file, but the whole rest of the cabinet is jammed with good moments that each get their own special file and place in the cabinet. If I make a file for enough good little life nuggets they will over take the cabinet and that single fat file.
Today is a day with some pretty intense nerve pain throughout my left side so My Hero is home to care for us. So today I will be happy for the company of my husband, for the beautiful beautiful Autumn weather, for the green lawn dappled with sunlight through the leaves not yet on the ground and knowing that today has endless opportunities for meaningful moments.
Tonight we will all draw our creations on our pumpkins and SuperHero Daddy will carve them all out for us, in anticipation of Halloween. Yay!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Harvesting Life This Autumn
The days have been so good to me the past two weeks! How extraordinary to once again fold piles of warm laundry and cook hearty meals for my family. What a gift to be able to carry my little Squeak around and wrestle with my sweet Monkey! The pain sneaks in, quietly while I prepare dinner, but I tell it to hush and wait while I delight in the time I'm sharing with my family, no longer on the sidelines. It pokes and waits, but I growl at it and shoo it to the corner to wait, just wait, till I get the babies to bed, and it does. It hunches in the corner, red eyed and growling back, but it waits for me to lie down and accept it's gnawing, which I do with a heart filled with the satisfaction of having been with my family and once again living life. My Superhero lights the candles around the rooms, turns on some sweet music and delivers to me some special treat; a foot rub with some hot cocoa, some honeyed herbal tea and a thick novel, some velvety rich sweetness that is Chocolove with my laptop... Mmm, yes, we are in the business of Living. Of truly living each day.
Autumn is in full swing here. The green grass is full of leaves that crunch underfoot, the temperatures have dropped leaving the air feeling moist and brisk and finding a little warmth in the sun is purely divine, and the pecan harvest at our house is inexhaustible. We have three pecan trees and with little effort have already bagged nearly 8 gallons of pecans. Last night, after yesterday morning's storm, we all went out after dinner and padded, barefoot, through the lawn looking for fresh pecans. Squeak was all snuggly in her fleece sling on Daddy's chest, enjoying the up and down ride of bending and standing with each find. I was toasty in my layers of thermals and hooded sweatshirt, with one sock off for pawing and one on to keep as warm as I could, alternately sipping and breathing the sweet warmness of my Redbush tea with vanilla.
Of course my silly little Monkey was bounding around in shorts and boots singing, "I like the cold, even the snow!" stopping only to give the grass a trim with his safety scissors so we "Won't have to pay the lawn guy anymore, Mama!"
We managed to collect about two and a half gallons on pecans before the sun had set so far below the horizon that we could no longer see the pecans we were feeling.
Oh Autumn! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach...
Autumn is in full swing here. The green grass is full of leaves that crunch underfoot, the temperatures have dropped leaving the air feeling moist and brisk and finding a little warmth in the sun is purely divine, and the pecan harvest at our house is inexhaustible. We have three pecan trees and with little effort have already bagged nearly 8 gallons of pecans. Last night, after yesterday morning's storm, we all went out after dinner and padded, barefoot, through the lawn looking for fresh pecans. Squeak was all snuggly in her fleece sling on Daddy's chest, enjoying the up and down ride of bending and standing with each find. I was toasty in my layers of thermals and hooded sweatshirt, with one sock off for pawing and one on to keep as warm as I could, alternately sipping and breathing the sweet warmness of my Redbush tea with vanilla.
Of course my silly little Monkey was bounding around in shorts and boots singing, "I like the cold, even the snow!" stopping only to give the grass a trim with his safety scissors so we "Won't have to pay the lawn guy anymore, Mama!"
We managed to collect about two and a half gallons on pecans before the sun had set so far below the horizon that we could no longer see the pecans we were feeling.
Oh Autumn! How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach...
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Home Sweet Home
We took a vacation to Wisconsin this past week.
Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful
Our vacation truly began while we were searching for the Milwaukee Whole Foods and spotted a beach. So, being on vacation and all, we stopped looking for the right street and went to the beach. And how wonderful it was!
It was beautifully sun
ny with just the right amount of defined, long afternoon shadows, and the air was perfectly fresh and cool. The sand was so soft and warm, but when I dug my feet in or stepped in a shadow it was surprisingly chilled and refreshing. Looking out into the lake was arresting. The water washed up on the sand making the most soothing sound and despite its appearance of endlessness, it was a lake and therefore pleasantly devoid of all things dangerous. It was heaven!
MonkeyBoy played in the sand, jumped from the giant mounds and ran through the icy surf, stopping just long enough to engage and enchant the other beach-goers.
Squeakola decided that though the sand was terrible for eating (via faceplant) it was Great Fun to kick and throw.
The two hour drive that lay ahead couldn't budge us, but eventually our tummies rumbled and our muscles ached and we finally had to give in and move on.
The rest of the trip was just as magical.
Wisconsin in the autumn is so rich, seductive, disarming, magnificent.... It would take a literal thousand words to describe....
Squeak playing in the fall leaves
I felt my soul lifted, my pain eased, my whole being soared.
Me and My Beautiful Sister Ella
It was the best thing ever. What we truly needed.
I returned home a new person.
Our hearts and minds are still lingering in Wisconsin, only our bodies have made it home for now.
Pictures? hopefully tonight....
Beautiful Beautiful Beautiful
Our vacation truly began while we were searching for the Milwaukee Whole Foods and spotted a beach. So, being on vacation and all, we stopped looking for the right street and went to the beach. And how wonderful it was!
It was beautifully sun
ny with just the right amount of defined, long afternoon shadows, and the air was perfectly fresh and cool. The sand was so soft and warm, but when I dug my feet in or stepped in a shadow it was surprisingly chilled and refreshing. Looking out into the lake was arresting. The water washed up on the sand making the most soothing sound and despite its appearance of endlessness, it was a lake and therefore pleasantly devoid of all things dangerous. It was heaven!MonkeyBoy played in the sand, jumped from the giant mounds and ran through the icy surf, stopping just long enough to engage and enchant the other beach-goers.
Squeakola decided that though the sand was terrible for eating (via faceplant) it was Great Fun to kick and throw.
The two hour drive that lay ahead couldn't budge us, but eventually our tummies rumbled and our muscles ached and we finally had to give in and move on.
The rest of the trip was just as magical.
Wisconsin in the autumn is so rich, seductive, disarming, magnificent.... It would take a literal thousand words to describe....
Squeak playing in the fall leavesI felt my soul lifted, my pain eased, my whole being soared.
Me and My Beautiful Sister EllaIt was the best thing ever. What we truly needed.
I returned home a new person.
Our hearts and minds are still lingering in Wisconsin, only our bodies have made it home for now.
Pictures? hopefully tonight....
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
The Sun'll Come Out
Today is a better day.
After some brief panic when My SuperHero (husband) announced he was sick, we regrouped and realized we've made it this far and are so not going to get our asses handed to us by a cold. humpf
BoyChild happilly skipped out to the van to head to school this morning, his fever having broken yesterday morning, and my baby girl, Squeak, seems to have developed a taste for baby snot. Yum
I have an acupuncture treatment this evening that I am looking forward to. Sometimes I get better by leaps and bounds, and sometimes it feels like one step forward and two steps back, but I am always grateful for the relief in whatever form it comes.
I have been taking a tincture, called Soul Purpose, intended to aid meditation, lucid dreaming, etc, before my sessions and it's produced some pretty powerful thoughts, dreams, memories and ideas. I usually try to have something light to eat, like greens or fruit, drink some herbal infusion and meditate before hand I almost always come away feeling at least a tiny spring to my step, but often I walk to my car feeling powerful, spiritual and whole. It's like getting a whiff of fresh air when you've been trapped in a mine.
My Superhero was still up at 1am working, as usual, and says that he was able to pound out enough work to stay home and take it easy today. We're a family of Troopers, we are, and though we take turns in the lead, he is most often the steam that helps carry us through.
Thank you, Internets, for all your candles and healing light. We feel it.
xoxo
After some brief panic when My SuperHero (husband) announced he was sick, we regrouped and realized we've made it this far and are so not going to get our asses handed to us by a cold. humpf
BoyChild happilly skipped out to the van to head to school this morning, his fever having broken yesterday morning, and my baby girl, Squeak, seems to have developed a taste for baby snot. Yum
I have an acupuncture treatment this evening that I am looking forward to. Sometimes I get better by leaps and bounds, and sometimes it feels like one step forward and two steps back, but I am always grateful for the relief in whatever form it comes.
I have been taking a tincture, called Soul Purpose, intended to aid meditation, lucid dreaming, etc, before my sessions and it's produced some pretty powerful thoughts, dreams, memories and ideas. I usually try to have something light to eat, like greens or fruit, drink some herbal infusion and meditate before hand I almost always come away feeling at least a tiny spring to my step, but often I walk to my car feeling powerful, spiritual and whole. It's like getting a whiff of fresh air when you've been trapped in a mine.
My Superhero was still up at 1am working, as usual, and says that he was able to pound out enough work to stay home and take it easy today. We're a family of Troopers, we are, and though we take turns in the lead, he is most often the steam that helps carry us through.
Thank you, Internets, for all your candles and healing light. We feel it.
xoxo
Monday, September 17, 2007
My Path
Sometimes there is pain in everything. A prison of pain, where turning my head makes me groan, opening my eyes must be done with a deep sigh. Those are the days when my kids hugs and my husbands touches are too much and must be given with eyes and words instead. Those are dark days. Those are the days that snuff out my light.
Today is one of those days.
There is a lot of pain today.
This is part of me right now.
Right now I am healing, my body and my spirit are healing, and it is a long and difficult path that I am walking, but I absolutely refuse to give up.
My path is dark and painful and hard at times, but it is a path. It won't always be like this. I can feel it. I may be in a thorn patch right now, I'm cut and sore, slowed down and sometimes snagged, but I can see the edge and there is softer ground ahead.
I can see a clearing and I can see myself lying in a soft bed of grass, patches of sunlight coming through the trees, warming my face and body. I can feel the healing power of this place.
I am getting there.
The day when hugs don't hurt and there are no more tears is coming. The day when I can hold my little baby with my arms instead of my eyes is coming.
It has to.
There is no other option and I believe.
I'm not meant to live this way for always.
The pain cannot trap me here. There is a better place and I will get there, no matter how much stomping, tearing and pain there is. I will get there and I will be free of this pain forever.
Light a candle for me so I can see the path.
Today is one of those days.
There is a lot of pain today.
This is part of me right now.
Right now I am healing, my body and my spirit are healing, and it is a long and difficult path that I am walking, but I absolutely refuse to give up.
My path is dark and painful and hard at times, but it is a path. It won't always be like this. I can feel it. I may be in a thorn patch right now, I'm cut and sore, slowed down and sometimes snagged, but I can see the edge and there is softer ground ahead.
I can see a clearing and I can see myself lying in a soft bed of grass, patches of sunlight coming through the trees, warming my face and body. I can feel the healing power of this place.
I am getting there.
The day when hugs don't hurt and there are no more tears is coming. The day when I can hold my little baby with my arms instead of my eyes is coming.
It has to.
There is no other option and I believe.
I'm not meant to live this way for always.
The pain cannot trap me here. There is a better place and I will get there, no matter how much stomping, tearing and pain there is. I will get there and I will be free of this pain forever.
Light a candle for me so I can see the path.
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